The Plot Lines

After talking to Ged last Thurday about my quite incomplete first draft of my story involving a little nine year old girl named Emily, a car accident and a coma, I have rewritten my idea several times in order to find out exactly what it is that happens in the middle of my story.

Below is the original story version (1.1) followed by a collection of others from brainstorming ideas for the ever evasive middle bit.

Story Version 1.1

Shortly after her birthday, the little girl is leaving her Grandmother's house with her parents. The drive home is long and the sky is growing darker. Her parents are murmuring softly as the car quietly pulls up to a junction, waiting to turn left.

Bright piercing lights explode through the cabin as the car is slammed forward. Metal crunched and screamed and glass laughed as it flew forward through the air, glittering in the headlights like fairy dust. White mushroom clouds bloomed around her, bloomed and disappeared.

She felt the breath being squeezed out of her lungs, the back of her seat pushing her forward against her jammed seatbelt. She hurt a lot, and she was tired anyway so she closed her eyes. Her mum would put a plaster on it in the morning, she told herself as she fell asleep.

All is black and with noises of paramedics, sirens and emergency resuscitation procedures, fading to the sound of a machine screaming dead line. Then absolute silence descends.

In a place where dusk dwells, over a garden of gravel and paved paths, with low lying hedges and shaped bushes, wild grass and a dry dusty fountain, a little girl is playing hopscotch. The sky glows a perpetual saffron and amber.

At the end of her trail, the little girl looks up at the building nestled in the middle of the garden. It seems to stare back at her dully with its many windows, rows and rows of windows, but no doors. She blinks and moves onto the next part of her game, seemingly involving her moving around the garden and checking behind things, though whether she is the one being chased or the one doing the chasing is unclear.

A wind blows, whipping through her hair. Perhaps she hears some words in the wind, perhaps only murmurs. She scowls and turns away.

Meanwhile, a middle-aged woman is arguing with a younger man. She doesn't like his self-assured attitude or his careless brassiness. She finds it unsettling, and she has things to protect from him.

"Please doctor," She pleads. "Even considering such a thing is preposterous."

He looks at her with bored eyes, smirking. "There has been no change in her condition for a very long time. Please, we cannot keep her as she is. It's a waste of resources and there is nothing up here anymore - " he tapped on his temple, " - for her to be kept around. I understand she is on the donor register, too."

It isn't the first time this conversation has happened. She had been spoken to about this occasionally for many years, but recently this new doctor was really pushing for her consent. Now, she was asked every time she visited, and sometimes twice or more each time.

"My answer is no," she insisted.

"We can't keep this up forever," the doctor said, cocking his head to the side. "It's not fair on her, either."

Anger flashed up, by was quelled immediately by guilt.

The doctor smiled when she looked away. He knew he'd won. Now all he had to do was kill all hope and get consent. There was an operation he was aching to do; the only missing piece was one fresh heart. He'd already checked - it was a match. And if he did the operation - if everything went well - he'd get a pay rise, a promotion, better respect and influence. Maybe he could even be accepted by one of the better private health care services. At least, it would be the beginning toward that.

"I'll give you a week," he informed her. "I'll get the paperwork together. You'll have to sign a few forms and such. Then you'll have to say goodbye."

He turned on his heel. Just before he walked out he tossed the final blow over his shoulder like a barbed grenade.

"Although, really, she is already gone."

The little girl looked around uneasily. She felt nervous and she didn't know why. It annoyed her. She hopped from foot to foot, clenching and unclenching her fists, considering. There was nothing in the garden to scare her. It wasn't too dark, either. She was being silly, she decided.

All the same, she wandered back onto the main garden path with the rows of cone hedges to her right and the fountain to her left. She started walking toward the main building.

[Skip to the end]

Emily ran, searching for the door. The way out. She knew it to be close. But she couldn’t find it.

“We are going to shut the machines down now,” the doctor explained. “Have you said your final good byes?”

She ran along the never ending maze of corridor. The door had to be in here somewhere.

“Yes, doctor,” the woman sniffled. She placed a hand tightly on her husband’s shoulder. He reached up and squeezed her hand. “We’re ready.”

Finally the corridor straightened out after yet another flight of stairs. There was the door at the end.

The doctor reached for the power switch. “Good-bye, Emily.”

Emily’s hand wrapped around the door handle.

The doctor pushed the switch. The machine went dead.

Emily was blinded by a flash of light.

Arm outstretched, reaching for something that was no longer there, Emily realised she was no longer where she thought she was. The arm extended in front, though it responded, was too long to be her own. Her hair slipped forward and she reached to tuck it behind her ear, but it was much longer than it ought to be.

The doctor stared at her baffled. She had sat up just as he had pushed the button. He saw her eyes open before he pushed the button. And now she was examining her hair. What was going on?

“Emily?” The mother breathed, eyes wide in wonder and disbelief.

“Welcome back, kiddo,” the father said gruffly.

So it was happening. She was awake. And he wouldn’t get the organs he needed for his payrise and promotion. He wouldn’t get his prestige and rise to private doctor. Angrily, he turned sharply on his heel and left the room.

Story Version 1.2

• Little girl gets into a car accident and ends up in a coma.
• Emily creates a world of her own where she plays by herself in perpetual twilight.
• Doctors feel that there is no hope for her to recover in a vegetative state and pursue getting permission to turn the machines off.
• Emily plucks up the courage to go into the dark house of voices to find the way out.
• Doctors get the begrudging permission of the parents and the machine gets turned off but Emily wakes up just in time.

Story Version 1.3

• Car accident, coma, garden world where Emily is playing.
• Nurse comes in and talks about various things that become distorted as they filter through into her dream and becomes something else i.e. character plants, quirky objects etc.
• Doctor comes in and his words filter through also, making her dream world sky dark and creates a monster.
• She seeks shelter in the house from the monster.
• Her mother’s words create a door in the house and Emily wakes up.

Story Version 1.4

• Car accident, coma, garden world where Emily is playing.
• Emily keeps her distance from the house with many windows.
• Doctor’s words create a storm in her world making Emily move toward the house to go inside.
• She sees scenes from the crash through the windows as well as the audio of her hospital room.
• Emily smashes a window and climbs through, waking up.

Story Version 1.5

• Car accident, coma, garden world where Emily is playing.
• In the middle of the garden there is a greenhouse with only a small sapling in the centre.
• The tree grows larger and more warped the more the doctors push for permission.
• The sky breaks into a storm with permission granted.
• A hollow in the tree trunk provides Emily’s escape.

Story Version 1.6

• Car accident, coma, garden world where Emily is playing.
• Various fantastical characters appear from the garden and give her various tasks to complete.
• Once complete a door appears in the building.
• Doctors finally get permission to turn off the machines.
• Emily waves good bye to the characters and jumps through the portal waking up.

Story Version 1.7

• Car accident, coma, garden world where Emily is playing.
• Doctors push for permission to turn the machines off.
• The garden constantly shifts, paths changing with increasing frequency leading Emily closer to the house in the woods.
• Doctors finally get permission to turn off the machine.
• Emily faces the house in the woods and opens the door and jumps through the mirror in the middle of the room, waking up.

Story Version 1.8

• Car accident, coma, garden world where Emily is playing.
• Doctors are pushing for permission to turn of the machines.
• The doctors’ words cause the plants to shrivel with acid rain and dry destroying her world.
• Doctors finally get permission to turn off the machine.
• Emily takes shelter in the house, finding the way out at the same time as the world outside falls apart.

Story Version 1.9

• Car accident, coma, garden world where Emily is playing.
• Doctors are pushing for permission to turn off the machines.
• Despite the sun being hidden by clouds continuously the shadows are sharp and grow larger swallowing up the whole garden.
• Emily takes shelter in the house where the only light is now coming from.
• The Doctors get permission.
• Emily finds the source of the light as coming through a keyhole of a door which she opens, waking up.

Narrative: Badger Synopsis & Treatment

Here are my synopsis and treatment for the badger animation. They have been modified and changed slightly since the premise, and again they are a little off from what the final piece is. I find this quite annoying as it is a similar case with the crime project, not being able to fulfil what I was expecting to get done within the time frame given. However, the gist of it remains in tact, with only a few mismatches with the final outcome.

Synopsis:

It is a peaceful day and the badgers are out of their setts foraging. They wander close to the edge of the wood and into a vast empty field. A farmer out with his dog and The dog picks up on the badgers scent start barking. The badgers, startled, disappear back into the woods. The farmer and his dog come and he finds traces of their foraging. Following this he sets traps for the badgers: snares, rat poisoning etc. before retreating. The badgers venture out unaware. Slowly, they head toward the field again. Some begin to eat the rat poison. The farmer returns with a gunshot, startling the badgers and they flee back to their sett. Some get caught in the snares. The farmer walks past as the snares wind tighter and tighter. Trapped inside their sett, those that manage to return have no escape when the farmer finally buries their sett with slurry. The farmer walks off into the horizon with his dog, dropping dead badgers by the roadside to look like road kill.

Treatment:

For this project I plan to use cut-out and collage of photos for the opening act, wherein the badgers are peacefully foraging at the edge of the woods on an open ended field. All is peaceful and tranquil; snuffling and bird chirps in the distance break the silence.

The badgers move closer and closer into the field, (here there will be a far, wide shot of the scene) and we begin to hear the farmer’s footsteps. Close ups of the bagders snuffling snouts as they forage begin to be interlaced with another snout: the nose of the farmer’s dog, which is in black and red. The footsteps are gradually growing louder, closer. Switching between the foraging badger noses and that of the dog hunting for smells gradually increases in speed each time. Then we stop with a upward angle shot of the farmer’s face (all shots from here are in black and red in pop art style) the dog stop sniffing out smells, raises its head and howls. The farmer turns his head in that direction and enters the field. (The same far, wide shot as earlier.) The dog is sniffing round the field as the badgers have disappeared. The farmer kneels down, (then an over-the-shoulder angle will be used) inspecting the ground. The dog barks, signalling he’d found something.

The farmer, following his dog, discovers a well-used animal track under the fence and places a snare. He leaves rat poison down where they had been foraging. And we hear his footstep recede into the distance with his dog.

We switch to the entrance to the set. Tentatively, the badgers emerge and cautiously head out to forage again. After a time, a few have begun to venture out into the field again. One starts sniffing at the rat poison. Another notices and joins. A gun shot. One of the badgers is shot dead. Frightened, the other badgers turn and run. In their hurry, they get trapped in the snares. As the farmer passes, he pauses long enough to shoot a few, before ambling on.  The badgers scurry into their set again. Just as the last one disappears, we see the farmer stopping at the entrance. (Only the feet are visible). We switch to a black screen with nervous sounds of badgers inside their dark sett. A brief silence proceeds their squeals as they are buried by slurry in their home with no chance to escape.

All becomes dead silent. We then see the farmer destroy the entrance to the sett. He walks away. On his way back home, we see him dropping badger carcasses on the roadside as he disappears off into the horizon.

"The Amazing Thin Man"

Script by Ina Fischlin.

The purpose of this project was to practise pre-production work: involving writing up a synopsis, working on a treatment and then coming up with storyboards and finally an animatic. Having never done anything quite like it before, I was intrigued enough to give an enthusiastic stab at it. However, it proved to be a little tiresome, as unfortunately, I did not find the script thoroughly engaging. Also, I'm not skilled enough just yet to do anything about that to make it so.

Synopsis:

We are introduced to an ordinary, non-descript office worker whose only distinctive trait is how impossibly thin he is. The narrator tells us of his normal life, as he leaves his suburban house to go to work and then return home again, never wavering from routine.

One day, his dull, boring life changes when he gets stuck in an elevator. In this instance he finds a use for his only distinctive trait thus manages to get out and find help for those trapped in the lift. Realising his potential, he becomes the neighbourhood hero; rescuing cats from trees stopping thieves and saving an infant from a burning building.

Unfortunately, whilst walking beneath a window sill a cat knocks a flower pot off. It falls onto Archibald’s head and the impact compresses his body together and he becomes short and round.

The synopsis part of pre-production I found to be akin to a stroll in the park, however, when it came to the treatment (sad to say, but I haven't attempted one properly since) felt more like trying to stumble out of someone else's house in the middle of the night, with the lights not working because the building is on fire. A bit of a hit-and-miss attempt, to say the least. And thoroughly unfamiliar.

Treatment:

I plan to create this as a flash production.

 The protagonist is introduced to the audience in a mock-stage environment by the narrator as “Archibald Crane”.  The background consisting of his house and street proceeds to drop in like scenery in a theatre which he then walks into and he disappears into his house.  The sky then changes from grey to pale yellow to signify the change from introductory narration to demonstrating the protagonist’s average, routine day.

Archibald emerges from his house then exits screen left and walks to the summit of a small hill and continues walking on the spot while the scenery rolls back clockwise until the narrator stops speaking, then the background stops moving and he exits to the left. The camera watches from over his shoulder as he approaches the bus stop, and then switches to observe from across the road as he peers over a short, round man’s blobby self to read the newspaper. The bus arrives, obscuring our view and the camera pulls back so that we see it arrive from the left, then drive off again.

The camera cuts to the office, where we see Archibald sitting at his desk, looking rather bored and idle. There is a clock which we hear ticking in the background, which is larger when we see him taking his coffee break, and lager again in the canteen. With a *ping* we shift to see Archibald walking up the path to disappear into his house again.

After a moment of black screen and silence, the end of the day, we see Archibald standing in a lift alongside a fancily dressed woman, a grandfather and his granddaughter. Suddenly the boring elevator music stops, and the lights go out. All that is visible are the whites of startled eyes. A pair of eyes disappears as the woman begins to scream shrilly. The dull red of the emergency lights come on, and we see the woman, screaming for all she’s worth, the little girl hiding her face in her grandfather’s coat while he puts a protective arm around her. Archibald squeezes round the back of them in an attempt to ring the emergency alarm bell. But no matter how persistently he pushes the button, nothing happens. Attempting to force open the doors also proves to be futile. With a thoughtful pose, he ponders what to do, resulting in an idea. One second there, the next gone, he disappears through the crack in the elevator doors. The woman stops screaming, the grandchild stops hiding, and they all stare at the empty space that used to be Archibald Crane, baffled. By the time they’ve noticed, Archibald has already found help and leads the mechanics down the hall, saluting them as they plod past him, continuing toward the lift. Archibald smiles, for the first time since the narrator told him that no one remembers his name, chuffed to bits that he has found the meaning of his existence and uncovered his hidden potential. Striking a superman-ish pose, he is proclaimed the amazingly thin man. Feeling empowered, he dares to correct the narrator so that he is known as the amazing thin man; deciding himself to be amazing rather than inhumanly thin.

For his next feat, we see a granny pleading with a cat to come down from a tree, but never fear, Archibald is emerging from a bedroom window. He flops forward toward the tree making a human rope ladder to the stranded cat. A fireman follows, climbing out the window and shuffling along toward the cat that no normal ladder could reach.

Continuing on his adventures as the local hero, he trips up a cat-burglar threatening to steal women’s underwear and sweaters. He stands proudly over his defeated foe, as a security man waddles over and shines his torch on the would-be-felon.

A burning building. A baby crying. A crowd of curious and anxious onlookers. Who will save the day? Archibald boldly steps out of the crowd, striding toward the fan the firemen brought. He stands before it and they turn it on. Like a feather, he spins upward, landing on the windowsill and disappears into the building. A moment passes, and then he returns, the baby in his arms. He jumps from the window ledge, his body stretching out to its thinnest as he parachutes back down to the ground. Huzzah!

With a bounce in his step, he walks down the street with a spring in his step. Recognised as the local hero, we see a singular old man acknowledge him with a wave. He passes beneath a window ledge, where a cat stretches and knocks over a flower pot. It falls off just as Archibald walks by, and the screen goes black. We hear the crash of the impact. The camera resumes where Archibald once was, then drops down, and we see a round unremarkable man, looking up at us mournfully. He is no longer the amazingly thin man anymore, but just Archibald Crane.

Storyboards:

(For some bizarre and unknown reason the animatic would not upload. It may take a while but I'll add it in later after I figure out why.)

As far as storyboarding and animatic went, I quite enjoyed them. When presented it was noted that there needed to be a bit more emphasis on Archibald getting out of the lift, but as you can see, I have yet to add that bit in. ;)

Knowledge Competition: Crime Awareness

In conjunction with a competition, our next brief was to make a crime awareness video in our latest new platform of animation (for me at least, I'm a complete noob): adobe flash. For this project, I ended up without a synopsis or treatment, despite the pre-production project prior. Instead, I ended up with a scribble sheet, wherein I jotted down ideas for each major crime that afflicts the student age bracket, which could have been reshaped into a synopsis and treatment had I not overlooked them and ploughed right into storyboarding.The majority of the content was based on accounts of things happening to various people, including the funny bits that are meant as a joke. Someone really did take my saucepan.